#39 If you walk into a bathroom and the toilet flushes immediately but there is no shuffling feet sound that is your sign that someone is shitting and to please give them privacy.
#40 If you choose the stall right next to them and there are 3 other stalls for your use, you are an asshole.
#122 If you buy a microwaveable meal for one dollar...that is what it will taste like.
#123 It doesn't matter if it has chocolate pudding in it.
#517 Never tell someone you are good at something if you don't want to have to do that something every fucking time they need it done.
#518 Expect to have that someone point out how not good you are at it everytime you do it.
#932 Your crotch will never smell like a flower...no amount of special kuka wash or arm pit spray for vajayjays or plastic container filled with vinegar will make that happen.
#933 It will smell less like Chicken of the Sea if you shave your muff occasionally.
#1524 The very first time you try marijuana will be the day before your first random drug screen at work.
#1525 Every positive random drug screen for marijuana is a person that has just tried it for the very first time.
Ahhhh, ye are so wise!
ReplyDeleteWait...are you trying to tell me your crotch doesn't naturally smell like spring flowers and tropical breezes? 'Cause that's just weird.
#39 and #40 THANK YOU. Why are these items not posted in public bathrooms for the idiots with no concept of shit zones? Maybe we could develop a "bathroom etiquette by SumSum" plaque to be placed in all of the public bathrooms across the land. You don't have to answer right now, just think about it.
ReplyDeleteOMGosh....I Freakin' LOVE this list...Too stinkin' funny girlfriend! I agree with all of these....You crack me up!
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