Today's Special!

TODAY'S SPECIAL ~ Crazy with a shot of More Crazy


Just the beginning...

So smoke up you nicotine junkies because tonight is the last night you can smoke in public in Michigan! I follow Michigan news because any state shaped like a mitt is awesome but I don't live there (haha gotcha stalker). Anyway, so no more Marlboro Reds with your PBR while playing nekkid photo hunt...bummer. Although I'm not a "smoker", I do like to have the freedom to smoke other people's cigarettes after I'm about 3 brews deep at our local watering hole. The fact that I can't do that anymore seems a little unconstitutional. I know most of you are saying it's unconstitutional to have to smell my second hand smoke as I blow it in your face because I'm a close talker when I've been boozing and my response is don't booze at the bar then. I mean come on, the next thing we know is someone is going to tell me I can no longer shake what my momma gave me on the dance floor or I can't talk at unreasonable volumes at a stranger sitting all the way at the other end of the bar. The bar is for drunk ridiculousness not to be all classy and graceful and sweet smelling...I'm telling you right now that this is just the beginning of "the man" telling us what we can do and when/where we can do it even more so than he already does. Today it's smoking...Tomorrow it could be awesomeness and if that happens we all lose.

Fondly ~ SumSum

P.S. I hope for everyone's sake that the cigarette smell wasn't covering up vomit smell all these years or even worse whore breath...


Random Tuesdays...I'm in!

I hear, in the serious blog world, Tuesday is when you throw up all of your random thoughts. Thank God there is a day for it because I always have random crap in this over sized head of mine...over sized due to genetics and ego, if you were wondering...

So, my son was given a baby turtle from grandpa to hold captive in his bedroom yesterday...I went in there this morning and explained to this tiny little turtle that death is sorry Raphael, our temporary teenage mutant ninja turtle.

Do turtles smell? I'm sure ours will...

I never do my hair for work anymore...maybe if I did I would have a better chance at a sexual harassment lawsuit.

I did the dishes last night so that dead, rotting turkey smell is evaporating...if you are confused by this random thought please see previous post.

I am so surprised that Tito Ortiz would ever lay a violent hand on Jenna Jameson...who would ever suspect someone who has made a career out of breaking people's nose or arms and wrestling around in other dudes blood would be a wife beater.

I have to pee. Thankfully I'm not wearing a party cardi because we know how that turns out...

Fondly ~ SumSum

Where I learned about Random Tuesday; Go there and make a friend!


Place dead turkey picture here...

If there was one I would but no animals were harmed during my supposed weekend of blood lust. Good thing for my husband much of my childhood was filled with empty promises so I didn't lose too many tears over it (sob). No really, I'm okay...the cutting helps.
Instead of murdering game birds with fan-shaped tails and wattled necks I did everything but the dishes and laundry so the house kind of smells like I killed a turkey and left it to rot in the living room...

Fondly ~ SumSum


Contemplating Murder...

I may shoot a turkey in the head this weekend. Apparently this time of year, if you have ever considered shooting a turkey in the head, you can so I think I'm going to give it a whirl. I don't have murderous tendencies (usually) nor have I ever killed anything (on purpose) but my husband gets a real kick out of murdering animals and I've finally decided to see what all the fuss is about. I guess if I am actually successful in blasting a TOM (that's what male turkeys are called, so don't confuse it with my Uncle Tom because I don't want to murder him) then we will go to random dudes houses and drink beer celebrating the kill.
Doesn't that sound AWESOME? Dress up in an outfit that has tree branches on it, sit on the cold ground as my husband uses a flute like instrument to trick the bird into thinking I'm a horny gobbler, as it enters my sites all hot and bothered I shoot it in the head and then we carry it's dead body around from house to house making caveman noises and drinking beer, after I get my picture taken with it multiple times of course.

Don't worry PETA, if I kill it I'm going to eat it...

"On a similar note I must confess to you, I'm giving very serious thought... to eating your wife." ~ Hannibal Lecter.

Fondly ~ SumSum


What smells like pee?

There are times in my life when I am quite certain I am paying for the sins I committed in a past life because stuff that happens to me just doesn't happen to good people. In this life, if you were wondering, I am a good person hence why they must be sins from the past.

I'm a bit out of sorts today to begin with because it's my first day back after a very long weekend and they played musical cubicles at the office so I sit in a brand new place then I did 4 days ago. I keep telling myself I got a new job hoping that gets me out of this work place slump but so far that hasn't been successful.

Anyway, I take my morning potty break after my super sized coffee and it is going as you would imagine a potty break would go...sit, spray, smile...then I go to wipe and that is when my life takes the cruel turn it normally does. Today, of all days, I am wearing one of those really hip cardigans that flow longer down in the front...pictured below if you couldn't get a mental pic after my ridiculously awesome description.

Well, guess what was wrapped in the toilet paper that was supposed to be gently dabbing my pink taco????? The freaking flowing part of the stupid cardigan!!!! Did I change it or ask someone to borrow their cardigan for the remainder of the day? Nope, I just rinsed it under hot water in the sink and figured that would be sufficient for work.

I'm super clean...
Fondly ~ SumSum


This is romance...

Tonight my evil minions are spending the night with grandma & grandpa, aunts and cousins to swim at a hotel. As an obvious result daddy and I get an evening alone. I was thinking to myself that maybe I will get taken on a super hot date...but I was mistaken.

Actual phone conversation:
Me: "So, let's go out to dinner or something since the boys are gone for the night"
*translation - you might get lucky tonight if you play your cards right
Daddy: "Well, I need to grind a stump tonight so you want to do that with me?"
Me: "Sure, that sounds awesome"
*translation - guess I don't need to worry about shaving my legs after all.

Fondly ~ SumSum


Colonel Sanders doesn't care about Jesus...

My mom was super bummed yesterday. Mostly because if my dad were still alive she would have made Easter dinner. I invited her to the out laws to enjoy the 17 billion kids that birth control made but she "fell sick". Upon my "Happy Easter are you" call it was apparent the answer was not going to be, "Super awesome...I love you too" I decided to grace her with my presence and on the way there I thought, "I should take over Easter dinner!" I'll hold for your applause for being the best daughter EVER! What I forgot was that it was EASTER and everything should be closed to celebrate a small piece of Christian history merely referred to as the Resurrection of Christ!!! Lucky for me Colonel Sanders thinks Jesus is just a good topic to argue about at parties and they provided my mom and brother with a bucket for the holidays. AMEN!

Fondly ~ SumSum