High moral code...

I gave up booze for Lent and a couple weekends ago I had a plate full of activities that I would usually be bombed during, 1) opening day for the Detroit Tigers and 2) weekend long casino trip, on a bus, with a lot of drunks.  It was going to be a test.  Upon entering the weekend Satan, Anti Christ dressed as a friend, some devout Catholics shared that Sundays are indeed free days and with that line of thinking I had saved up enough free days to be able to break my promise for a few days...so I did.  A LOT!  It did not come without vengeance from God however because the entire casino trip I pissed out of my ass.  I literally had to choose slots that were right outside of the bathroom because at anytime blazing 7's were erupting from my bum.  Moral of this story - Break a promise to the Lord and hell will shoot out your bung hole.

Speaking of things erupting from people's bums...I was at the Sweet Spot (no it's not a strip club, it's a candy store you freak!) with some friends from work and one gal dropped a pack of Twizzlers...Upon bending over to pick up the chewy ropes of goodness her pants split.  I am not talking a cute, tiny, easily hideable split...her entire ass was exposed to the world.  Lucky for her she has a great ass, unlucky for her she had to walk all the way down the street to Ann Taylor's Loft for a new pair of pants wearing what appeared to be assless chaps.  Moral of this story - A Twizzler in the hand is not worth a nekkid tush.

Recently my son had an appointment with a speech pathologist and directly after she asked me if my children have ever been taken away by PS (protective services) my son yells, "Punch. Me. Down!"  "Kick. Me. Hard!"  "Eat. Dog. Poop.".  Good news ~ the gal was impressed with his vocabulary...Bad News ~ I think PS has been parked outside my home since the visit.  Moral of this story - Spare the rod, the spoiled kid will tell people you beat them anyway.

Happy Easter everyone, from my son who I make eat dog poop (only when we're low on mac n' cheese, geesh)!