H.Q.B.I.C. - Random Tuesday

Friday started out with a random little carpenter ant in my kitchen that was immediately squashed by my super cute black mary jane...then I noticed that this carpenter ant wasn't so random because they were ALL OVER MY FUCKING FLOOR.  Like, everywhere!  So, I began shuffle ball changing all over my kitchen stomping out the colonized bastards as I'm yelling to my husband, "get the kids...they are everywhere, go get ant killer, oh my gawd they are EVERYWHERE!"  My son in the background reminding me, "mom, we don't say Gawd..."  He couldn't hear me pronounce the W.  I may have squealed at this point I'm not sure and don't judge.  What would you have done if you were standing in your kitchen where you make PB&J's in heart shapes for your children staring down one of these...

Those are PINCHERS people!!!!  Ready and willing to rip apart my flesh and drag pieces of my sweet skin to their wicked little queen bitch which could totally happen if by some freak accident during my murderous dance routine I fell and cracked my head on the utensil drawer knocking myself clean out.  I would lay there paralyzed as they took me bit by bit in a single file line to the one they worship.

Whoa, whoa...settle down there friend.  Everything is fine.  I sprayed the entire house down with insecticide made special for ants (it said it was safe and had little children's drawings on it to prove that point so it must be true!)  The next day I woke up and none of the family had any bites or the beginning of flesh eating disease so all is right with the world...or so I thought.  Once my mother heard of Friday's events she begins to explain that these ants will eat my house from the inside out hence why they are carpenters.  So, apparently these guys have tool belts and everything and they are in the wood on my home just taking things apart bit by bit and presenting it to their head bitch in charge, the queen of their colony.  So, guess who comes today?  Terminex you pinching, wood eating, pillaging, flesh eating, dancing mumma murdering bastards!!  Who is the Head Queen Bitch In Charge now M'fers!!!!  Mwah ah ah...