I have a severe case of the Mondays! Not to mention I am only wearing about 11 pieces of flair today! That's from a movie, I have a bad habit of that, sorry. I don't need to wear flair at my job but bet your ass if I did I would have well over the 37 pieces required because who doesn't want to cover themselves in flair??? Moving on...it's ADD and I suffer greatly...still moving.
Last Thursday I received a call from a 941 number which I am well aware is a Florida area code. I answer and I'm excited because I have plenty of people in Florida it could be and the suspense is killing me..."hello" silence "hello" click. It was a dirty prank caller. So much for that fun, who is calling me from Florida game. Sometime later my phone rings again and it's that same 941 number. Oh boy, am I going to lay into whoever is on the other line...."HELL - oooo?" See how I am already giving it to the person on the other line!?! They are in for it!!! Mysterious caller on the other end responds "Summer?" Now you need to say that with a southern drawl and your voice needs to elevate tone as you say it, you're trying it and you almost have it (my cousins know exactly how it sounds). Jesus, Mary and Joseph! It's my Mamaw aka MeeMaw aka MeeMee (depending on who you are & your age, this is what my family calls our Grandma). I'll stick to Mamaw (prononced ma'am + aw) for the purpose of this story.
I wasn't letting her off the hook, she totally hung up on me not less than 20 minutes ago. "Mamaw? Why are you pranking me?" I had to say this about 3 times and I still don't know if she understood what the hell I was talking about but finally I said, "you hung up on me when you first called???" She laughs, "Oh yeah, I had to use the bathroom and if I don't go when I have to...(trails off)" I explain I piss myself sometimes just with a cough or a sneeze, I didn't say piss...this is my Mamaw I'm talking to for goodness sakes I need to have some manners. So that began my 35 minute conversation with my Mamaw. I don't believe I have ever talked to my Mamaw on the phone for more than 2.5 minutes. I also don't believe I have ever been on the receiving end of a phone call. Our conversations have never ventured from the obligation birthday, mothers day, my parents said I needed to or else calls. However, I have her number saved now because I am going to call her every Thursday to get lost in her world.
In that 35 minute phone call my Mamaw hit on about every topic that you could possibly imagine and I will list most of them here after a quick snapshot of the woman who is known as Mamaw aka MeeMaw aka MeeMee. She has been married to the same guy for over 70 years (I don't know for sure but 70+ seems like a damn good guess). She has had 9 kids, who all have kids and those kids are having kids (that's a lot of damn people). She has been pregnant a total of 81 months in her lifetime and she is as big as a minute (that phrase means she is skinny meanwhile I've only had two kids and my gut looks like a sad, deflated balloon). She has buried 2 of her children and never should a parent have to do that, this topic is actually on my next meeting agenda with God, and she has not completely separated herself from the world because of it. She will be the first person to tell you you're thinner/fatter than the last time she saw you. She will wear head to toe burgundy and when you ask why she is all dressed up she will say verbatim, "this old thing". She will wrap herself up in a fleece blanket at an outdoor function while the temp teeters at 80 degrees. There is plenty more but I can't be here all day so let's get back to the conversation...
She tells me in 35 minutes:
~ My Papaw (yes, that is what we call our grandpa and no, it's not aka PeePaw or PeePee just plain Papaw for everyone) isn't ever home and at the time of our call he was murdering wild boars...this hits home for all of us hunting wives cuz guess what? Even when our husbands are in their 90's they will still find an excuse to get out of the house and away from us.
~ Her floor was as clean as a dance floor...I'm not sure the cleanliness of a dance floor but I take this as her floor is pretty clean, or not?
~ My Uncle Buddy is super clean and a very good boy...for all of my aunts and uncles that read this; better step up your game because looks like Buddy is in the numero uno spot
~ She made black eyed peas for dinner (I just like to dance to them) and spilled them all over the floor...guess who cleaned them up? #1 son Buddy
~ She offered Buddy dinner but he had a tuna sandwich in his car that he would eat at the ball game
~ Her best friend died and she got all of her clothes because her husband said it was what her BFF would have wanted
~ Every time she puts on an outfit now Papaw asks, "Was that your BFF's?"
~ One night dancing Papaw spun her too hard on her bad arm it made her throw up, Papaw offered no sympathy...see girls, some things never change
~ She is too old to dance anymore
~ She is not too old to still dance...she obviously forgot that she had said earlier she was too old to dance and as far as I'm concerned you are never too old to dance...
So Mamaw "I Hope You Dance" and I also hope you remember I'll be calling you this Thursday so get your bathroom break out of the way...
This is my Mamaw trying to escape a photo of her in a fleece blanket in 80 degree weather...I don't lie people!
Fondly ~ SumSum