Today's Special!

TODAY'S SPECIAL ~ Crazy with a shot of More Crazy


Usually an absence like this involves a shit story...

I don't have a good excuse...My dog ate my blogger password?  I've gone blind (no, not from masturbation...who has time for that)?  My place of employment decided the QWERTY style keyboards were for cave men and switched the location of every key and now when I want to type "awesome" it results in "fartpop"? 

None of these are true (for you slow readers..) I just haven't felt the writing fire.  Sure some interesting things have happened that I should have purged on to this page, errr, screen like...
  • I was told in front of my husband that I have great boobs and then being asked if I was married at which point I nod to my husband who is standing right next to me.  To be honest, the girls aren't all that great, just big...additionally my husband really could have cared less, mostly because he sees how not great they are.
  • We were invited as a couple by same dude who really likes my boobs to join him, his wife and a another random group of folks to a place they call "fun town"
  • This brought back memories of my honeymoon where my husband and I were propositioned by a couple who were really deep in the swinger community, we declined (sorry to let any freaks down but it was our honeymoon for goodness sakes) and the guy gave us his business card in case we changed our mind...they conveniently live a few hours away from our hometown even though we met them in Mexico...this story is much better actually but maybe for another time.
  • I came in dead last at our latest weight loss challenge at work, DEAD fucking LAST!  I even ended with a negative percentage which means I closed out the competition at a higher weight then what I started...I've never been very competitive plus I really love bagels.
  • My new year has not gone without shit, literally, my oldest son shat all over my cream was a very interesting mix of diarrhea and mushy rabbit pellets and quite possibly the most shit I have ever seen released from a human being.  The kind that as you tried to wipe it up it just spread more and more around the cream carpet, did I mention the carpet color is cream? 
  • As I'm dumping bleach basically on said shit stain my son stands there in amazement asking various questions, "Am I sick?  How does all that poop come out of my butt?  What is that sound your throat is making Mom?"  Umm, yes you are sick...I asked that same question myself...the sound is me gagging and trying not to add puke to the monstrous pile of crap.
  • This same son also broke a bone...we are currently living that hell as he needs to wear a cast from hand to bicep for the next six weeks.  I have started drinking...more.
  • My place of employ has cut us off from facebook and all other social networking sites which is the best thing to happen to my career...I have decided since to give up facebook for Lent because I think it's what Jesus would do.
  • Look everyone I'm blogging, shove that up your ass network administrator!!!  I am quite certain after that I will be blocked from this site on Monday.
That's a small snippet of life since the last time I let you peek into my crazy, fabulous, psychotic, awesome rack world.  I hope that there are people out there that still like me...and enjoy reading.

Until next time I'll leave you with one of my fat girl thoughts, "You have stopped yourself from eating all of the 3rd piece of pizza you've taken at the work party because you truly can't fit another pepperoni into your gut when you realize there is still creamy romano dressing pooling at the bottom of your salad bowl so you take a sliver of french bread to soak it up and eat it"

That is reason number 572 that I came in dead last to the weight loss challenge.  I should be more depressed about it but I really could give a flying fuck...or a standing very still and calm fuck for that matter.

X, O & Donut Holes...


  1. Worth the wait. :) Sounds like you've had a shitty go of it, like you say, "fuck it"! have some pizza.

  2. its funny you should say that, i'm eating pizza right now...and shitting. I'm a multi-tasker.

  3. Your shit story made me happy. If it makes you feel better i think you rock. I've been having a rough week myself. The details are unimportant, but to give you an idea of what I'm dealing with, my own sister un-friended me on facebook.

  4. You never seize to amaze me with your funny stories! :):) I'm laughing my *SS off right now at you! Good luck cleaning the carpet.......(oh, and I'd rather be 'fat and fun' then some 'skinny bitch' anyway!) So eat all the damn pizza that you can fit in your mouth, girlfriend! And I'll still be sticking around even tho you go MIA once in awhile.... How could I leave you? I'd be too afraid I'd miss something funny!!