of course it is...

I was driving home and this chick driving a big monster truck drove up along side of me...

This truck was soooooo loud, obnoxiously loud, and the whole time I was at the stop light next to her I was irritated.  Who drives a truck like that?  Why is it necessary to irritate everyone else with your ridiculous noisy vehicle?  I hated this chick and if I were Inspector Gadget I would have used my go-go gadget arm to punch her in the throat!

As she pulled away the sound didn’t fade in the distance with her. It was right at that moment I realized it was my truck…the muffler fell off.  So, I punched myself in the throat...

Introducing Scummer...

If you read regularly then you'll know Scummer is my alter-ego.  She is quite possibly the most annoying chick on the planet but everyone loves when she decides to make an appearance...well, everyone with a vagina or anyone who does not have a wedding ring tattooed on their finger that matches my own.  In essence, my husband hates her & my friends and creepy single dudes love her and usually egg her on.  Truth be told, she doesn't need egging...
I thought the best way to explain her is through photos...

This is Scummer in the making...the yellow cup and straw are usually a dead giveaway that she is revving up for an appearance.  Innocent bystanders or gals who have not yet been acquainted have no idea what they are in for. 

Uh-Oh...sure tells Scummer has arrived; someone is fondling her, alcoholic substance in hand, the fucking duck face and she has aged about 60 years...

Don't be fooled by the sweet faces surrounding Scummer, they have all had a hand in her demise and point and laugh as she becomes what we like to refer to as "a situation".  Also, don't be fooled with how together Scummer looks in this photo, she has no idea where she is. 




















But what she does know is she wants a sandwich...and when she gets hungry...

She ATTACKS!

and then goes to sleep...

Oh Scummer, until next time...

Special thanks to a small little valley who made Scummer's appearance possible and to all those who met her for the first time last Saturday, she meant no harm...or did she???

I'd like to thank the little people...

Look!  I got another one of those people not related to me actually read my blog and like it awards!  A chick who I bet has 20/20 vision and can leap buildings in a single bound gave it to me...go check her out at The Opto-Mom.

The first thing I did was google the word versatile because maybe I don't want to own up to being a Versatile Blogger.  The definition read - with many uses: able or meant to be used in different ways as well as changeable: subject to rapid or unpredictable change.  So basically I'm an unpredictable nut case that is meant to be chewed up and spit out or rode hard and put away wet.  Heck yes, that is totally me!!!  So, thank you Opto-Mom!  I have never received a better compliment...

Part of the rules are I have to pass the award on to bloggers I also think are versatile.  I am drawn to folks of this nature:

Yo Mama's Blog - I originally visited this gal because I was surprised to find out my mom had a blog, turns out it's not really my mom...
Wait in the Van - This is one stranger that I would actually get in their van...and wait.
The Un-Mom - She introduced me to random thoughts and a weekday called Tuesday...
Red Means Go - Quite possibly the funniest chick on the information superhighway, also she is not above whoring herself out for fame and that's admirable.
Just Getting Going - She is newer to the blog scene and apparently if I ever get kidnapped I need to provide the po-po her scar history and breast size, good to know!
The Bloggess - This gal is pretty much the cat's ass of blogging...

I think you will see a theme here...anxious alcoholics hiding behind a computer screen and all pretty much AWESOME!

I also need to share 5 random things about myself...
This is starting to feel like work...

1. I bought a pair of jeggings - for those who don't know those are jean leggings, I know, that's just ridiculous, but I try to camouflage my gut by putting the focus on my chicken legs.
2. I tried them on for my husband and his reply was, "we are watching too much Jersey Shore"
3. I wore them for the fist time this weekend and at the first bar we stopped at a tear across my upper thigh neighboring my coochie occurred...by tear I mean gapping hole.
4. I contemplated just cutting them off into shorts, Sammi Sweetheart style.
5. I do watch too much Jersey Shore.

Ahh well, I bet none of those guidette bitches have won a versatile blogger award!  Boo-Ya!

Blog Block...

I haven't written because nothing that horrifying has really happened to me recently...there is usually a clam before my shit storms (that may or may not be literal) so expect great things in the months to come.
I get anxiety when things are going well, I'm getting even more anxiety writing that things are going well (knocks on wood, crushes xanex and injects directly into blood stream). 

ED. NOTE - above should read "a calm before the storm" but when I read the typo "clam" it made me laugh so I'm totally leaving it because if you think of your nether region dynamic there is a clam in front of where shit storms occur...think about it; now moving on...

Things that are coming up which may result in a mental crash and burn...and better posts (no promises)
My dad's one year death anniversary - recognizing the day of death makes absolutely no sense to me, the local paper (& my mom) says it's completely necessary though.  Hi, remember that day last year that sucked worse than when your parents told you your dog and at the time best friend forever "ran away" well write a poem about it and then we will charge you over $100 dollars to print it...oh, you want a picture?  Add another $50, and sorry for your loss sucka...
My oldest starts pre-school - crash coming from the fact that my babies are becoming boys who soon will be asshole men (no way out of that one), burn coming from when he decides preschool isn't really his bag mainly because other kids are there and he is the only child on the planet (that matters).  He totally gets that from his dad...
I've gained 10 pounds and start not eating tomorrow because I have a party where I will attempt to bring sexy back...but probably just Scummer will make an appearance and I'll be loud, obnoxious, a severe pain in the ass to other party goers and super fat (not to be confused with Phat).
More money is about to come out of my account and less money coming in, just in time for Christmas...

Hmm, really glad I started focusing on the horrendous events to come...now I'm super depressed (stirs anti-depressant into red wine glass).  Just kidding, I'm at work and don't have a glass of red wine...more like chewed up anti-depressant and washed it down with cough syrup.

Drugs are getting a raw deal...

People start a war on them.
People raid places that house them.
People stash them so their niece/nephew won't steal them.

What did drugs ever do?  They are just sitting quietly in your medicine cabinet, old coca-cola tin or bejeweled pill box wanting to make you happy, or help you sleep, or take away the feeling you are going to barf every time you have a family reunion to attend.  Heck, they even make some people less annoying.  Isn't it people that abuse drugs???  Let's just wipe out the population giving drugs a bad name!
This train of thought got me thinking about the different types of drugs and how they form.  Do you know that magic mushrooms sprout from cow dung?  Who is all, "let's save cows...cows are so cute and we shouldn't make them into big, juicy, delicious burgers?"  The vegetarians!  So, I am starting a new war against vegetarians because I think it's obvious they are behind the people abusing drugs...