I've been in a bit of a funk...I'm not walking around writing "life sucks" on my thighs with a sharpie marker or anything but I've realized that aging is not only adding crows feet, laugh lines and gunt flab but it is also stealing my magical gift of making things happen. I've practiced 'The Secret' way before someone wrote a book telling everyone that it was a secret, and newsflash it's no fucking secret. You think positive things and believe things will happen and they just do...at least, they used to. Have I lost you yet? Yeah I'm a bowl full of sense and positive energy right now...eat it up!
Let me explain...In the past if I've wanted something badly enough, truly believed with all my might that it was going to happen and played it out in my head it usually turned out the way I wanted it to. I've always thought of it as a tricky little power I have over the universe. Yes, I am that delusional. Anyway, for one of the first times in my life the outcome was not at all as I perceived it to be.
Umm, hello universe...it's SumSum...we aren't friends anymore???
So now what? Is someone else in charge here because I don't roll to the beat of anyone else's drum!?! I have even said OUT LOUD, "If people would just do exactly as I say things would run a lot more smoothly around here"...I was greeted with the response, "You'd love that wouldn't you?" Umm yeah, I would...that's probably why I said it!
Anyway, ADD is kicking in...so is my special power gone? Has it been eaten away by the bitterness of reality and I'm not some powerful, ESPN having specimen of magic that causes things to happen with my thoughts??? Perhaps I'm not but could it be it's not the bitterness that has sucked it away, or aging that is causing me to lose it rather I'm a batty, ape shit crazy egomaniac that has now realized that the world doesn't spin on an axis called SumSum and sometimes you don't get the job, or the promotion, or walk out of your sister's wedding to see the dude of your dreams waiting outside leaning on his car (oh, Jake Ryan...) and it has nothing to do with how hard you prayed or how much you fantasized about getting the call saying, "YOU WIN! WE CHOOSE YOU!!!"...sometimes SHIT HAPPENS!
Wait...what am I saying??? Obviously things didn't turn out the way I wanted them too because I am dealing with a bunch of retards that can't tell a diamond from a turd...yeah, that has to be it. Now, I'm imagining having Panera for lunch...get busy on that request universe!