Today's Special!

TODAY'S SPECIAL ~ Crazy with a shot of More Crazy


Too lazy to drink...

It's getting colder outside and a new personality is starting to emerge...Slumber.  I'm so lazy!  I think it's apparent considering my awesome blogs have been very sporadic.  I figured today I'd spew a couple of different things I've been thinking of writing about but haven't because...stretch...yawn...sleepy time... 

So, a friend shared a story about another friend attempting to sext with his wife for the first time...he initiates the convo and although I'm not sure exactly what he said I can imagine it went like this...
Friend of friend ~ "when I get home I am going to oil up those titties and watch the oil droplets bounce off your chin while I give it to you"
Wow, I'm pretty good at this!  Don't tell my husband...  Anyway, he is all in and ready to get down and dirty with some super hot sexting action when his wife replies, "yes, I will rub your penis and testes"
Better luck next time buddy...and after this story my first thought was your wife is a nurse but she isn't.  I think the point of this story is we should leave the sexting to the tweens.

I'm leaving work the other day and need to piddle before my hour long commute.  I am a first stall user because at some point in my life I read or over heard or dreamt that the first stall is used least and therefore usually the cleanest.  So, I arrive to my landing post and it looks like someone was murdered in there!  WARNING it's about to get gross...there was blood smeared all over the back of the toilet.  How does that even happen?  Seriously!?!  Women bleed out of their vag hole so someone please tell me how it would be physically possible to sit on a toilet and leave smears of blood at the back of the seat.  These thoughts followed me all the way home...I am still dying to know how 1) it happened and 2) this person didn't see the trail of death they left behind.  Thanks alot you dirty, bloody bitch for ruining my first stall theory...

Okay...Slumber is kicking in so that's all I got for now (yawn).  Sorry if you were eating lunch during this post...or maybe I shouldn't be sorry because you're on a diet and I just stopped you from eating that whole plate of cheese that case YOU'RE WELCOME!


  1. That is absolutely disgusting! I've never been afraid of public restrooms but stories like that make me rethink everything. : ( Seriously what was wrong with that woman? She was certainly not thinking about anyone else but herself when that happened. So gross! Uh, I don't think I'll be able to get that image out of my head all day. Thanks...haha

  2. holy shit that is disgusting what the fuck happened?!?!? to that toilet that is

  3. Gross to the toilet bitch. Ha ha to the failed sexting. I sent Signore Sexy Pants (who was out of town) a text one time that said, "Can't wait for you to get home. I waxed." Simple, but gets the message across, right? Yeah, unless he's NOT the person that gets the message. He was driving, so his buddy checked the phone for him. Guess I should be glad Signore Pants was being safe and not checking his phone while driving, but somehow my mortification overrode that!

  4. Ya, it's my naptime too, I hear you with the slumber issues.
    That sexting was funny! I am still shaking with laughter!