End of the World To Do list...

As recorded by 10 year old me when I first learned in Vacation Bible School that some day, in the very near future, the world would end due to the sinful nature of mankind.  The worst sin I had ever committed at the time was telling my mom and dad I wasn't crossing the busy highway to get to my BFF Cari's house.  I figured with today being the day everyone, except you dirty ass sinners of course, will just float away like a hot air balloon to hang out and see for ourselves what Jesus is really doing (not wearing some dumb ass bracelet to remind him to make good decisions I bet) this will be the only chance I get to share this dynamic list.  

• Make an end of the world mix tape - I can only imagine these "rockin' hits" would have included Livin' On A Prayer, Didn't We Almost Have It All (as recorded by a crackless Whitney), and the very appropriate (I Just) Died In Your Arms...
• French kiss a boy - at this age the boy I wanted to kiss was a trashy punk and last I heard was featured on a little site named Faces of Meth...way to shoot for the stars 10 year old me.
• Learn to whistle the part on Walk Like An Egyptian - I still can't whistle :(
• Shave my legs for the first time - seriously?  I'm thinking about the end of the f'g world and I'm worried about using a razor...however, I do shave my legs and hoonaner today for the Gyno so I should at least show the same respect to JC.
• Watch Fatal Attraction - I knew it was a good one when I got sent to bed early on that movie night, thank goodness for Neverending Story (if you've seen my featured blog this week you know what I'm talking about)
• Meet Debbie Gibson - her perfume was the shit back then so I can't really argue...

Last and my personal favorite:

• Find out what my mom's Cosmopolitan magazine means by lying under the bath tub faucet - oh you just wait until you figure this out...Best. Day. Ever?  Yeah, pretty close!

So, good luck today my fellow blog buddies!  My advice, get yourself a grocery cart...that's what got Viggo Mortensen through The Road.  Oh, he died...welp, WWJD?

This is when you should just smile and nod...

I have a lot to talk about...all of which are interesting and important to me which means also interesting and important to you (you are smiling and nodding right?  If not, read the title)...have a seat (on my lap) because this is going to take a minute...yes, I have candy.

• I just quit my job (holy shit!).  A job that I have been at for 9 years.  I'm sad, excited, nervous, enter any other emotion here but most of all I feel bad for the folks I am leaving behind.  This place is really going to suck without my inappropriate conversations and unwanted fondling.  You don't find that in HR anymore...
• I am starting a new job and I am not sure if these folks at the new gig are ready for my inappropriate conversations and unwanted fondling.  I'll wait for a few days before I really give it to them (literally or figuratively because I go both ways...)
• In the week I turned in my letter of resignation so did my direct supervisor.  I am telling myself that my leaving caused her to not want to live anymore.  I don't mind having that kind of blood on my hands...
• Needless to say, we are leaving this department in a bit of a tail spin...too bad they won't have me fondling them to cheer them up...they might report it's unwanted but the constant pleading to stop we both know is just for show...plus, I'm HR so the report will come to me.
• My husband, in his quest to become a professional softball player and Budweiser drinker, tore a bunch of shit in his knee yesterday. This right at the time when I'm quitting one job and moving to the next which also means quitting one employer's insurance and moving to another.  I'm sure this won't be a medical claim nightmare...great timing dumb ass (that's a term of endearment in our home).
• I was chosen as a featured blogger today over on The Scoop on Poop but Blogger decided to take a gigantic dump on my special day and now I've been tabled to next Friday.  This was after I decided to tell everyone on facebook that my blog is so awesome it will be featured today. 
• Some sweet tidbits I picked up from facebook this week; 1) My cousin is getting married and sharing her day with her closest friends and family...2) I am not a member of either one of those categories apparently because I wasn't invited...3) When I shared my sadness about the missing invite, obviously hoping it led to an invite that I could just turn down anyway, the only thing that happened is two other cousins "liked" it. 

That is just a small snapshot of my life as it is today...you'll find me passed out in the middle of my backyard wearing only one flip flop this weekend because after all the bullshit above there is serious drinking in order! *hiccup* I might have already started...

God Bless America!

For those of you who cannot read Loconese this translates to:
"Hello kind sir!  At this time, please refrain from using this doorway.  There is fresh tile on the other side that may be harmed if walked on.  This entrance will once again be accessible on Saturday.  Thank you and have a nice day!"