I'm not your average girl...
I cuss like a sailor.
I retrieve tonsil pods from the back of my throat and press them against my thumb and pointer finger to see if they smell as bad as the last.
I say dude on the regular.
I worry ALL THE TIME if I'm a decent parent or if I am just repeating the mistakes of my mother.
I wear bathing suit bottoms as underwear when I haven't done laundry.
I press my old earring holes to squeeze out that weird white shit and smell it.
I stick my gut out as far as it will go and model it when other girls start talking about how fat they are.
I have perfected the art of smelling my own breath.
I take the most devastating situations and joke about them at family functions.
I bite off my kids hang nails, toe or finger.
I spit up after eating, not in an anorexic sort of way but rather I ate too much.
I pick the never ending black head on my husband's back as if at some point a genie will pop out granting me three wishes.
I smell my finger after putting it in my belly button.
Actually, I smell everything. EVERYTHING.
I will make you feel great, even when I feel less than shit.
I'm not confident in my actions, even though I do them the loudest.
I have a lot of regrets.
I don't let those regrets define me.
I missed a lot of boats, and I'm not talking about Starcrafts.
I'm not perfect but I can tell you how to be.
I'm not your average girl, I'm exactly like you.
There is no such thing as average so whatever you are and whatever you do, embrace it because you and I...we are PERFECT!