Do you want to piss me off?

Here is how...

• Drive with your blinker on.  You can't hear the tick tick tick of your blinker because I'm not even in your car but because I see the light flashing my brain is making the fucking tick tick tick sound!?!
• Talk to me while I'm eating chips.  I can't fucking hear you over the crispy crunchy deliciousness of these fried potatoes so you are just going to have to repeat yourself which also pisses me off...
• Saying something multiple times before you answer me and then suggest that I might be mumbling...I don't know how to mumble!  I am the loudest, most obnoxious chick on the planet!
• Question me on why I didn't do A, B or C task when I was never even asked to do those tasks in the first place and then I have to spend the next 20 minutes searching my archive e-mails to prove I was never given those tasks.  Productivity at it's finest right there!
• Make me explain why my last comment or joke or obscure statement is funny which I will have to do  when you don't laugh at the appropriate time, or look at me with a "huh?" face...you are a fucking idiot obviously and my humor is that of a genius (think Rain Man)
• Yell at me on the highway when you are the one driving like Helen Keller...if Helen Keller had dementia.

All of the above things have happened to me TODAY!  TO-fucking-DAY and it is barely past noon!  So, ask me how I am doing today.

How to piss me off...cont.

• Ask me how I am doing in a real cheery, happy to be alive, dripping with positivity voice when it is apparent that my day sucks donkey ass...and yes, it sucks an ass's ass.

Intervention, here I come...

I was absolutely prepared to write about something awesome and hilarious and completely embarrassing but after this article I decided to quit drinking and take up heroin...for health reasons and the safety of those I care about. 

It's a black tar party!

Now I am too busy falling asleep to, passing out in a heroin induced coma, watching Basketball Diaries for hooker inspiration (either from Juliette Lewis or the Sweet Valley High twins) and figuring out which family member I'm going to steal from to get my next fix.

Thank goodness I gave up booze...