I need to get some shit off my chest...I've been pretty pissy lately and need to rid myself of all this negative energy plus I'm just getting sick of having this shit on my chest. So strap on, or in (I don't know what the fuck you are into) and enjoy the ride, Chazz...
It really pisses me off that I have to remember to take a damn pill everyday that makes me a total bitch to make sure I don't get pregnant and then become a total emotional bitch...no one wins here. You might be asking why I don't just get my husband spade or neutered...that's easy my friend, I'm not giving him a free squirt into every random stranger pass...think about it.
Recently I realized that I need to add my big toe to my shave routine. My big toe had these long black hairs growing from it like it was breeding the worms from Dune. If you don't have beard growing from your big toe and your under the age of 30...don't judge you baby bitch because it's coming. You are also going to get some weird random hair that grows out of your chin, good luck with that...
I love people that insist on airing your dirty laundry in front of a group but conveniently leave out all the dirt bag shit they did at the same time you were making your bad decisions. Bitch, I was there at the event and I remember what a whore you were being too so let's try to take that into account when you rehash the evening's transgressions, assface.
Speaking of, I don't always make the best decisions and I often do things that pisses my husband off royally but I really don't understand why performing pretend fellatio on a popcorn bucket is that big of a deal. Obviously, my husband doesn't realize how much I love popcorn...
I have a bunch of other shit I want to say but I have a vodka and lemonade that is begging me to ravage it and that takes precedence...because if I'm great at anything it's at being an alcoholic.
Sincerely, Betty Ford
P.S. during the close of this blog, the husband asked, "Are you drinking again?" Why yes, I am, and lucky for you because after you just asked me "do I want to be a good wife" (his exact fucking words) and get up an hour earlier tomorrow to drive the boys 20 minutes out of my way before work so you can hunt in the morning and not kill a damn thing because your hunting spots suck asshole I want to drop kick you in the face...but I'm not doing any drop kicking because I'm half in the bag and can't get that much air.
P.S.S. I've never given a rat's ass about being a good wife any other time so why start now...guess who has an early meeting tomorrow all of a sudden?
